apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Randomize
