i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
