Someone shit on the floor
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Randomize
