I'm lost and stupid without you.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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