When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
