ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
