Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
