I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Randomize
