Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
