He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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