Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
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