Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
