She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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