so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
