I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Sorry my hands just texted you
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
