she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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