ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
