i think my tv is drunk
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
