I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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