I met the friendliest cop last night
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
