on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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