well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
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