Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
