she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
