The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
