i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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