im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
