he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
