Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
