So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
