Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
