SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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