Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Found the puke drawer
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
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