im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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