i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
