even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
