god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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