i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Those nachos came to me in a dream
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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