yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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