I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
