ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Randomize
