come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
