you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
