Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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