I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
