How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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