Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
