Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
