I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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