come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
